Tuesday I woke up rejuvenated and ready to fast! I had my "fast food" oatmeal, followed by a blueberry-banana smoothie. By lunchtime, I was crashing. I felt terrible, and nothing seemed to satisfy. I felt more angry at God for "making" me keep these crazy rules instead of desiring more of him. When I made the kids grilled cheese for lunch, I broke down and had one myself. Of course I felt like a failure, and right as I was eating, Jamie walked in. I knew he had eaten at Moe's and had spent a lot of time researching what he could order that was fast friendly. I expected him to be disappointed at me when he saw my half-eaten "common food," but he just laughed.
Later during my quiet time, I read from Daniel 1. Daniel, you super-achiever you! I left that time with God feeling...guilty. I know this was not the purpose of my fast, and yet I couldn't seem to get past it. I was still caught up in the letter of the law - avoiding foods that are in no way 'indulgences' for me just because of certain ingredients. For me, the sacrifice comes from avoiding food I actually enjoy. Jamie and I again discussed modifications. We decided to widen our fast to whole/all natural foods, excluding for us what would be "the king's food" - dessert and red meat. Now we are eating eating dairy, poultry and bread, which has given us back our energy. We are still cooking the fast friendly foods we planned, but now they are more like sides or compliments to our meal instead of the whole course.
Later that evening, a friend posted this to our Daniel Fast facebook group: "I think not breaking it is more important
to us than it is to God!!" This was exactly what I needed to hear.
So on we go. I would not want to look back on this experience and think, 'Well, I ate a vegan diet but I stayed pissed off at God the whole time for doing it.' Nor do I want to fail. But He always knew I would...which is why He sent us Jesus.
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I don't know how helpful this is, but when I first was on a vegan diet and even most of the time I was pretty strict with diet, I had to make plans ahead. You have to eat a LOT more often. The foods you are eating do not take as long to process and I found I felt fuller more quickly so I ended up having maybe 9-10 "snacks" a day instead of the 3 meals we're used to. Felt so much better.
As far as the guilt, I get that. I wrote about it last night for similar reasons. But God did not require you to do this fast. Guilt is not from Him. However, He did equip you. Some of the feelings you have been having though make me remember my days and whether it is forced or something I set out to do an am not happy about or whether it was something I should and want to do or whether something He was prompting. Felt different too when you adequately prepare for these fasts and stock the kitchen and have good recipes that are winners instead of bombs like your "edible" one. Then you can look forward to good foods, instead of knowing and not liking whatever meal is coming. Some foods are strange though. That was a good thing for me; realizing that foods that I had become too accustomed to easy stuff that was not necessarily good for me. After a while, my tastes actually started changing too. Weird. Anyway, I think it's good for us to eat things that are weird and maybe not the same things we are used to. Builds character :)
Thanks for sharing that...I did not realize that I would not to eat so often on a vegan diet. We did prepare ahead of time in that we selected some recipes that sounded good and then bought all of those ingredients. What I should have done (but didn't) was try some of those pre-fast.
I've felt for awhile (long before the fast) that God was calling me to better eating habits. I really felt the nudging was toward whole and organic foods, and we've been steadily moving in that direction. We still eat far too much red meat and especially sugar.
I have found, through the fast, that I do like some things I wouldn't normally have chosen. For example, last night we had a stir fry with carrots, onions and broccoli...normally I would have passed on the onions but it was actually quite good.
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