Guilt vs. Resentment

I learned an awesome lesson at work last week that has really freed me, and I wanted to share it with my blogging friends. (This has nothing to do with babies, by the way ;-) We were having a staff meeting, and Charlie, our Executive Director, had scheduled several minutes of our time for a "pep talk." In four weeks, our church is moving into a new building. Everything is changing from the walls to the website - everything! That means that most of us on staff are loaded down with about as much work as we can handle.

During the talk, Charlie explained that when you're asked to take on an additional task and you really don't have the time to do it, you have two choices: guilt or resentment. You can say, "No, I'm sorry, I just can't do it right now." You'll probably feel guilty, but that'll pass by the next morning. Or, you can say, "Yes," which will probably lead to added pressure, stress and ultimately resentment. Resentment is what causes people to leave jobs (or relationships, or whatever). So you should always choose guilt instead.

Personally, I'm a big believer in boundaries, not only in my professional life but also in my personal life. I don't have a problem saying no or standing up for myself or any of that. I guess I learned this lesson the hard way after one too many relationships where I wound up being somebody's doormat.

Well, the day after the pep talk, Charlie asked if I would be willing to help with a writing assignment. I won't go into huge detail about all that's on my plate right now, but since we're getting a new website in four weeks and I'm the website manager, you can just imagine. I also help support several other senior staff members with their communication needs, so I politely told Charlie that I was going to have to choose guilt this time instead of resentment. He thanked me. I did feel guilty for about a day...as much as I'm a believer in boundaries, I'm also a people pleaser...but I know I had a better attitude coming to work the rest of the week because I felt like my workload was manageable.

So if you're stressing out because you say "yes" too much and "no" not enough, remember the choice and choose guilt. In the long run, you (and your nerves) will be very glad you did.