"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." - The Office
I've had an especially hard time with Jamie being gone this last week. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or if we just haven't been apart this long since we've been married. In any case, I started thinking about morbid things: what would happen to me and the baby if something happened to him? I just can't handle those thoughts. I've prayed a lot for Jamie's safety. I do believe that God hears prayers, that he has answered them, is answering them and will continue to answer them. But I also know people who have prayed for things (ie. a spouse's safety) and God has allowed a different outcome. This week I've thought a lot about our friends Erica and Daniela, who both lost their husbands unexpectedly last summer. Erica keeps a blog that I read, and my heart continuously breaks for what she's facing day-to-day. I don't think I could handle it. I was talking to my mom about this, and she said something like, "Well you guys are young enough that you would meet somebody else." Now I know what Erica means when she says that people sometimes say the most inappropriate things. Who wants to even think of such a thing when you are contemplating grief on that level?
I've been staying with my mom this week (turns out that, even though I lived by myself for 4 years prior to marriage, I've turned into a big wuss when it comes to staying overnight alone.) I came home Saturday night to get some clothes for church, and I had to chase away a black cat sitting in my front yard. At that point, the bad luck came in "3s." The digits on my phone died, I locked my house keys inside my house, and when I finally got back in, I found that my fish, Emily, had died. Before you feel bad for Emily, you need to know that she has lived twice her breed's average lifespan. Still, though, the timing was eery.
There have been some bright spots in my week (it hasn't all been gloomy and depressing ;-) Staying with my mom has provided some comfort. I've also had wonderful friends who've reached out all week to spend time with me, and I've appreciated that so much. Saturday, Mom and I went to Raleigh shopping, and when my college friend, Tabitha, saw my plans on facebook, she decided to meet us. What a nice surprise! She was so gracious about shopping with me for maternity clothes and helping me pick out baby clothes in Baby Gap (I'll return them depending on the baby's gender, but I couldn't resist such a good sale.)
I'm at 15 weeks today...still feeling pretty bad, but the baby seems to be doing well so I can't complain. I will post bump photos as soon as I get a chance to take some.
I've had an especially hard time with Jamie being gone this last week. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or if we just haven't been apart this long since we've been married. In any case, I started thinking about morbid things: what would happen to me and the baby if something happened to him? I just can't handle those thoughts. I've prayed a lot for Jamie's safety. I do believe that God hears prayers, that he has answered them, is answering them and will continue to answer them. But I also know people who have prayed for things (ie. a spouse's safety) and God has allowed a different outcome. This week I've thought a lot about our friends Erica and Daniela, who both lost their husbands unexpectedly last summer. Erica keeps a blog that I read, and my heart continuously breaks for what she's facing day-to-day. I don't think I could handle it. I was talking to my mom about this, and she said something like, "Well you guys are young enough that you would meet somebody else." Now I know what Erica means when she says that people sometimes say the most inappropriate things. Who wants to even think of such a thing when you are contemplating grief on that level?
I've been staying with my mom this week (turns out that, even though I lived by myself for 4 years prior to marriage, I've turned into a big wuss when it comes to staying overnight alone.) I came home Saturday night to get some clothes for church, and I had to chase away a black cat sitting in my front yard. At that point, the bad luck came in "3s." The digits on my phone died, I locked my house keys inside my house, and when I finally got back in, I found that my fish, Emily, had died. Before you feel bad for Emily, you need to know that she has lived twice her breed's average lifespan. Still, though, the timing was eery.
There have been some bright spots in my week (it hasn't all been gloomy and depressing ;-) Staying with my mom has provided some comfort. I've also had wonderful friends who've reached out all week to spend time with me, and I've appreciated that so much. Saturday, Mom and I went to Raleigh shopping, and when my college friend, Tabitha, saw my plans on facebook, she decided to meet us. What a nice surprise! She was so gracious about shopping with me for maternity clothes and helping me pick out baby clothes in Baby Gap (I'll return them depending on the baby's gender, but I couldn't resist such a good sale.)
I'm at 15 weeks today...still feeling pretty bad, but the baby seems to be doing well so I can't complain. I will post bump photos as soon as I get a chance to take some.
5 comments:
I know exactly what you mean. I think morbid thoughts all the time, not meaning to, but feel as though I need to be prepared mentally if things turn out bad. I read Erica's blog too (from your blog) and my heart breaks for her. She is such a strong person! I'm so sorry you had a tough week. At least he comes home today and I'm sure he missed you a ton as well. I hope you feel better soon. It took 20 weeks for me... I hope it doesn't take that long for you, but if it does- just know you aren't alone. Love ya, girlie!
I am so sorry to hear you had such a rough week. I couldnt believe it when Adam told me about being locked out after we had JUST discussed extra keys!! I know you'll be glad to see Jamie's face and be together again! Praying for his safe arrival back home. Hope to see you soon, my friend!;)
Hi! Thanks for the prayers. I'm sorry to hear that you are so sick. I was sick 24/7 when I was pregnant. Ginger tea and Ginger snaps worked.
Try not to think morbid thoughts. or maybe they help you appreciate what you have, i guess. enjoy every moment.
I understand the feeling about staying home by yourself...I don't do it.
The black cat is our neighbors across the street...he is always in our yard.
I'm sorry about your week. Even though I often think, man I'd love a weekend to myself, after 5 minutes I'm usually ready for everyone to come back haha!
I have to say that you are a cutie with your little tummy.
Post a Comment