#justbeingreal

One of my blog goals (yes, I have them) is to move beyond just sharing Micah updates and happy bits about our family. I also want to be real about some of the things I'm thinking or feeling or struggling through in my life. When I think about the qualities in my best friends, the word that comes to mind for each of them is authentic. They are the real deal, as I strive to be as well. So here goes...

Many years ago, I think I said a prayer that went something like this: God, if you would just bless me with x, y and z, then I would be complete. I would spend the rest of my life giving you thanks and just enjoying and nurturing my blessings. God's response shocked me; afterall, that's a pretty immature prayer. But He said, yes. To x, y and z. So here I am, a very blessed woman, whose life is far from perfect. Maybe I didn't consider that, while basking in my blessings, I'd still battle bad habits, insecurities and other sins. Maybe God is trying to teach me that only He (and not His blessings) can fill me. So I'm trying to figure out what that looks like, from a day-to-day, practical perspective, to look only to Him for complete fulfillment. I have not figured it out yet. What I do know is that sometimes, Satan's tracks are so much easier to see in my life than God's, and I don't like that.

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We celebrated Micah's first birthday Sunday. I am so proud to be his mom! The party was a perfectionist's nightmare...food came off the grill 1.5 hours late, a stray pit bull wandered into our backyard while babies were playing, Micah screamed when the crowd cheered over ECU's final touchdown and win, and he never quite recovered...but that's just life I guess. We had a great time seeing everyone, and some really sweet friends helped us cook and then stayed until late washing all my dishes (yes, you want a friend like that ;-) Micah has his 1-year physical Thursday, so I can't wait to hear the report. We've already pronounced him awesome, so I'm not sure the doctor could tell us any different ;-)

Jenn's Fall Preview

For the first 2.5 years of our marriage, Jamie and I led a couple's small group through our church. Due to scheduling conflicts among the members - and a little burnout - we took a break last semester. Since then, we've sort of been sitting on our fannies wondering, "Where should we serve next?" When I was pregnant with Micah, we went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and have since become extremely passionate about our own financial fitness and about sharing what we've learned with others. At different times, we've both said, "It would be fun to serve in THAT ministry," but I guess we were just waiting for the opportunity to fall into our laps (read: lazy). Well, this week it did. A leader from our church called and asked to meet with us about serving in the financial ministry. I am so proud to attend a church that values financial fitness so much - it is of huge importance in people's lives simply because it's the source of either much stress or much peace. So anyway...lots of opportunities to choose from in that area. We are super excited to see what God will do through us!

I kind of forgot over the last year that, in addition to being a mom, I'm also a lot of other things. And after a year of pouring myself 100% into my new family, some of my interests and passions that have laid dormant are waking up. Last week, I starting sewing again. The stars must have aligned just right because I made a complete baby tag blanket in 24 hours. I had so much fun...can't wait to make another one. This is not to say that my family is getting less of me; I've just figured out how to balance things better. So I'm probably stupid for considering having another child soon.

Speaking of children...I'm also helping this fall with MotherWise. My role is mainly organizational, which I used to be really good at before I had a baby ;-) Mainly I just love building relationships with other moms. Last week we had dinner with our neighbors and their two kids. My child was throwing his typical "mom and dad are trying to eat and can't give me 100% of their attention right now" tantrum and banging his toy against the table. If we had been eating with people who didn't have kids, I would have been totally embarrassed. But I wasn't, because I knew our friends understood.

So there's a little update on me (and not Micah this time ;-). He's still my most favorite baby ever though, in case you're wondering.

A Little Wisdom After Baby Wise

I've been wanting to write a post on Baby Wise for awhile now. In fact, I have a draft saved that I just scrapped. I was having trouble articulating what I wanted to communicate, but I just read my friend Nickie's blog, and she reminds me so much of myself during the early days of implementing Baby Wise.

First, I want to say that we had a lot of success with the Baby Wise principles. Micah goes down awake with little to no fussing. He takes two 1.5 hour naps and sleeps 11-12 hours at night. He's been doing that for months. We are so grateful!

However, it breaks my heart when I hear of moms who want so badly to rock their crying babies to sleep but fear that doing so will create a habit they can never break. I was that mom. Micah has always gone down great at night, but we struggled with naps. Different tips and tricks worked temporarily, but I eventually "caved" and rocked him. I felt like I was failing at Baby Wise at the time; I had visions of rocking my 5-year-old to sleep. But by 8 months, Micah indicated that he no longer wanted/needed to be rocked at nap time, so I started putting him down awake. He transitioned with no problems.

So here's my point: while I embrace many of the principles in Baby Wise, I think in some ways the book encourages independence between mom and baby too soon. Simply put, moms shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to hold, cuddle and rock their babies more than the book thinks is wise.

With the next one, I still plan to establish an eat-awake-sleep routine. I will still do all the tricks to make sure baby gets a full feeding, and I will wake baby up to eat if necessary. I think that alone - keeping Micah from having a long stretch of uninterrupted sleep during the day - helped him distinguish night from day. But I will also rock him/her to sleep if necessary and won't feel guilty about it. Now Micah is mobile and rarely wants to be held, let alone rocked. I miss the days when he would let me rock him, and I realize how quickly those days pass by.

A Peak at Micah-Life

Dad cannot wait to take me fishing!

Hamming for the camera...I'm used to it!

Climbing on some (probably) antique furniture at my great-grandparent's house

Much more interested in having my picture taken than eating!

Peek-a-boo!

A Dream to Wake Me Up

I had the craziest, most vivid dream last night that I want to record because it gave me a new perspective on my waking life. I dreamed that I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I had been having headaches, so the doctor did a scan of my brain. In my dream, we were looking at the scans together, and he was pointing to various parts of my brain saying, "If the tumor were here or here or here, we could operate, but this area right here (where mine was located), we don't even touch." I was told I would die at anytime, probably later that day. I remember laying in a coffin eating a piece of chocolate cake (Jenni Farrow's Coca-Cola cake that she brought to our July 4th cookout this year...haha) - my "last meal" I guess - just waiting to die, but I didn't. So then I was told, "Well, it will probably be tomorrow." My emotions were somewhere between grief and acceptance. I wasn't really afraid to die, I had accepted that as my fate, but I was so filled with grief that Micah would never remember me and that we wouldn't get to have more children. I remember thinking, "This just isn't part of my plan" (and I love to plan ;-). When I woke up, I was so thankful this had only been a dream that I immediately said a prayer thanking God for my health. Then I went to check on my baby.

Today, I've had a new appreciation for the things that I commonly take for granted: my health, my family, even just sitting in the floor playing with Micah. I realize that although it was just a dream (thankfully), things like this DO happen and none of us are promised another day.

Vacation, Family Planning and More!

We just got back from our first long vacation with Micah. We went to my parent's house at Emerald Isle for the week. We did not choose the best beach week - the wind was blowing hard and the waves were rough - but Micah did great. He slept very well - something he usually doesn't do on trips - and he loved the beach for about an hour at a time. As any parent knows, vacations are not the same once children come along. I love watching Micah experience the things I love - especially the ocean - but I do miss sitting on the beach for several hours with a book in hand.

This vacation gave Jamie and I some perspective in making a few major decisions about our family. Lately we've been discussing how many kids we want (2 or 3) and how far apart we want them to be (2 years or 3 years). We had pretty much agreed on 2 kids 3 years apart, but this trip might have changed that. We are a very go, go, go couple - we love to travel and do things all the time - and although we love the baby stage, we are very excited about all the things we can do with Micah when he's 2, 3, etc. Then it occurred to us that around the time he gets REALLY fun (we're thinking 3), we'll be starting over with a newborn.

So we're considering having #2 soon so that we basically get through the baby stage quicker and then have two kids who are ready for the same activities around the same time. I know if we do this I'll be a crazy woman for awhile (I'm kinda crazy with just one), but I really love the idea of Micah and his sibling being close enough in age to be best friends. So we'll see...

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A quick update on what's new with Micah at 10.5 months:

• finally crawls with stomach off the floor, standing and cruising along furniture
  
• eats about half baby food, half table food
• babbles constantly (da-da, ba-ba, na-na, hey)
  
• LOVES books (I couldn't be more proud!), will stop playing to sit and listen to a story
• more controlled movements (goes gently from standing to sitting, can place objects with control as opposed to always slinging/throwing them)
• understands a lot of what I say
• loves opening/closing cabinets
• loves drinking from a straw
  
• is a most awesome napper/night time sleeper
• goes to Kindermusik playgroup on Tuesdays and will start Mother's Morning Out on Mondays this fall
  

For Micah's 1st birthday on September 5, we've decided to have a family barbecue. We are looking forward to doing a party with friends when he's older, but we ultimately decided to keep things simple and intimate this year (if you call 7 grandparents, 3 aunts and 2 uncles simple or intimate ;-). I can't believe he's almost 1! We love him so much and are so thankful that God chose him to be our baby!

July 4th Celebrations!

July 4, 2010

We spent Micah's first July 4th at the river with Grandpa Steve (who kept referring to himself as 'Grammy'...not sure about that ;-) Saturday we had a cookout with the Farrows, Littlefields and Bells. Several of us have celebrated July 4th together in the past, and it was way different this year with little ones running around. We had a good time watching four babies under age 2 play together.

Micah and Dad

Sunday we went to the annual Kilby Island Pig Pickin'. Jamie and I both agreed that it has been better in past years. Micah sure looked cute, though! I hope we'll get to celebrate at the beach next year.

Gettin' down in your pjs!! This picture makes me laugh :-)

Micah, you are such a delight right now at 10 months old! You have mostly overcome your separation anxiety and enjoyed spending one-on-one time with Grandpa. He enjoyed taking you out for golf cart rides to give Mom a little break. You're also pulling up on everything and even cruised along the sofa today. Mimi said you did that at her house last week, but mommies are supposed to see milestones first, so I say you did it first today ;-) You babble constantly and clearly understand a lot more than you can communicate. When you wake up in the morning, I tell you to "put passy night night," and you throw it in the crib. We're still working on 'No' - I think you get it, but you like to test me!

Micah's 1st boat ride. You were sleepy, so this was not a pleasant experience! The second trip was much better!

We've done a few activities lately that are still a little advanced for you (splash park), but I get excited about all that we can do together next summer! I'm already planning your first birthday party (can it be???)! We are doing a Tigger theme because you really seem to like him. I think Mom and Dad are giving you your first Bible. I'm sure the grandparents will provide all the toys ;-)